Here We Go Again
by ScarredAngelHeart
Summary: Kendall and James had the perfect life, until Kendall left and crushed James. Now James is alone, a single parent raising Kendall and his childeren, while Kendall's out living his dreams. Will Kendall come back? Will James let Kendall be a part of him and his kid's lives again? Can they repair the perefct marriage they once had?
1. Chapter 1

Here We Go Again

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

I sat at home, watching the Minnesota Wild game. I saw him strike at the hockey puck, and score. He got to live out his dream. I didn't. Let me tell you about my life. I'll start from the beginning.

It all started about nine years ago. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. The day I told Kendall I was pregnant.

He was so excited, so I got excited too. Eight months later, I have birth to a little girl named Kelsey June Knight. She was absolutely beautiful. She looked exactly like Kendall. Blonde hair, green eyes, dimples.

That day was a new chapter in our lives.

About three months after Kelsey was born, we ended the band. Kendall and I moved back to Clearwater, Minnesota. Carlos and Logan moved to San Mateo, California. Mama Knight remarried a new man and moved to Louisville, Kentucky with him and Katie. Gustavo and Kelly got married four months after the band ended and moved to Duluth, Minnesota. No one expected them to move to Minnesota of all places, but it did mean that we could keep contact with them easily, since Duluth was only three hours away from Clearwater.

We all kept contact despite being a bit spread out. Life seemed perfect. We still talked to all our friends, Kendall and I were raising our beautiful daughter together, and it seemed like nothing could go wrong.

Six months after we left California, Kendall and I got married. When Kelsey was about a year and a half old, I found out that I was pregnant again. When I told Kendall, he hadn't been all that happy. He explained about how we were already having trouble with money and raising one child, so how could we support another?

I was a little upset at Kendall for saying that, but I knew that it was true. We talked it over and decided that we'd keep the baby. Kendall got a second job, and I began babysitting. We did everything in our power to avoid asking our friends for money. Seven months later, we welcomed a beautiful baby into the world named Kaiden Adam Knight. And I have to admit, taking care of two young children was hard. Money was tight, but we found ways. During this time, Kendall and I started drifting apart. By the time Kaiden was seven months old, we had completely stopped acting like a couple. We argued, we couldn't agree on anything, and we hadn't even so much as kissed in months.

We dedicated the next couple months to improving our marriage. We went to counseling and everything. Eventually, things did start getting better. We were finally a happy family again.

Until when Kelsey was about three and a half and Kaiden was about a year and a half old. I found out that I was pregnant _again._ I honestly felt like I was cursed at that point.

I told Kendall that I was pregnant again, and he was extremely unhappy. He started screaming at me to get rid of it, that he didn't want it, and that we couldn't support yet _another_ child. I got mad at him and started screaming back, that he couldn't force me to do anything, and that I wouldn't get rid of it. We continued to scream at each other, getting so loud I'm pretty sure people outside the house could hear us. Tears began forming in my eyes as we continued to argue. I really hated this. Then he did something I'll never forget.

He raised his hand and slapped me hard across the face. I fell to the ground on impact. I looked up at him, my eyes full of tears. I put both of my hands on my bruised cheek as I began to sob. Kendall realized what he had done and got down on his knees. He cupped my face and kissed my bruised cheek. Tears were flowing down my face like a waterfall. He told me that he would never do it again, that it would never happen again.

It did.

It happened two more times.

The second time in happened was when I was three months pregnant. Kendall punched me in the face.

The third time it happened I was six months pregnant. Kendall choked me until I blacked out. That time was the worst. I thought I was going to die.

Luckily, our baby wasn't hurt and I gave birth to another baby girl named Allison Isabella Knight. It should have been a happy time. It definitely wasn't.

Three month after Allison was born, Kendall left. We had gotten into another argument, and he left. He went to go play for the Minnesota Wild, and left me with our three kids.

Eight months later, Kendall came back. He apologized to me and said that he would never leave again. He said he loved the kids and me. And like an idiot, I believed him. We made love that night.

Guess what happened?

Yup, I got pregnant with our fourth child.

When I told Kendall he promised to stay by my side. Well, that promise lasted until I was five months pregnant.

Kendall left. Again.

About a month after he left, he sent me a letter, saying that he was going to continue playing for the Wild. I opened the second envelope and found divorce papers in it, that Kendall had already signed. I felt like my heart just shattered into a million pieces. I just broke down and started crying. But I signed the papers.

After that, Kendall and I were officially divorced. I had lost all contact with my friends after I had Kaiden, so I had no one left to talk to. My life pretty much sucked. The only good part of my life was my kids, and my mom (who didn't know about any of this.)

I had my fourth child, a baby boy named Adrian Layne Knight.

So here I am no, a twenty four year old alone with four kids, divorced from the love of his life, who probably doesn't even give a shit about him and his kids anymore, and no friends.

I'm James Diamond. And this is my shitty life.

**I know I should be focused on I'll Catch You When You Fall, but I've had this idea for a long ass time, so I had to start it. Please review and tell me what you think. Thanks for reading, bye!**


	2. The Phone Call

Here We Go Again

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or anything you recognize. All credit goes to their rightful owners.**

**James' POV**

I had just got back from dropping Kelsey, Kaiden, Allison, and Adrian off at my mother's house for a visit. I took off my heavy coat and flopped down on the couch. Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids to death, but I could really use a break from them. I felt my phone buzz and saw the caller ID of the person I never thought would call me again. _Kendall._ My _ex-husband._ The deadbeat dad. Why would he try to contact me now? He's been gone for two and a half years. Despite my better judgment, I picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I said timidly. Great, I sounded like a scared two year old.

"James?" I heard Kendall's voice ring.

"Yeah?" I whispered back.

"It's been a while huh?" Kendall laughed. Why was he laughing? I found nothing funny about this situation!

"Yeah, two and a half years, you ass!" I yelled. I was starting to get really angry now.

"Hey, it's not like I didn't think about my kids over these years!" he protested.

"Oh, yeah? Well, you knew where we lived! You knew my number! You knew my mom's number! You could have came and seen your kids anytime! But you didn't!" I screeched.

"Well, I want to see them now!" Kendall screamed back, starting to match my tone.

"And who said I'll let you?" I countered.

"You're the one who said you wanted me to see them!"

"Yeah, but now I'm really thinking about it! I don't want you to keep jumping in and out of their lives! It's unfair to them!" I yelled. When I didn't hear a response from Kendall, I continued.

"Do you know how much it hurts me to see Kelsey, Kaiden, and Allison run to the mailbox, hoping for a letter from you? On their birthdays! Or Christmas! And the pained look on their faces when nothing ever comes!" I yelled, tears starting to form in my eyes. "It hurts to see my kids hurting. Because of you! Especially Kelsey! She remembers you the most because you were there for the first six years of her life! It's not fair that their dad doesn't see them! And you've never even seen your youngest child! You don't even know his name! Or that he's even a he! You haven't seen them grow! You haven't seen how beautiful your children are becoming! You're not there when they have nightmares! You're not there when they cry for daddy! You're not there for any of it!"

I heard sobs coming from Kendall, and I don't know why, but that just made me angrier.

"You're a deadbeat Kendall! You chose hockey over your kids! Do you know how stupid that sounds? And the worst part is that they still love you! They think that you're coming back! And your youngest doesn't even know who you are! He doesn't know who daddy is! How do I tell him that daddy chose hockey over him? Huh?!" I screamed. I just heard Kendall sobbing harder. At this point, I was absolutely furious. I began to cry, but not out of sadness. Out of pure fury.

"Huh, Kendall?! Tell me! How do I tell them that daddy doesn't care about them!? That daddy isn't coming back?!" I continued to hear nothing but sobs. Which made me cry harder.

"That's right! I can't! Do you know how hard it is to raise four children by myself? Paying for clothes, food, a roof over their heads?" Silence. "That's right, you don't! Because you don't have to do it! You know what, you're just as asshole! I hate you so much!" I regretted what I just said because it wasn't true. I didn't hate Kendall, not at all. I could never hate him. I love him. Even after everything he did to me, I still love him.

"No," he said. "No, you don't hate me!"

"Yes I do! I hate you with every bone in my body!" I screamed. It was killing me to say this, but he deserved it!

"No, you can't! You told me you could never hate me! You love me!" he cried. I was sobbing out all the pain I've felt since Kendall left, which was a whole lot of pain.

"I HATE YOU SO MUCH KENDALL FRANCES KNIGHT AND I ALWAYS WILL! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE THE KIDS! OVER MY DEAD BODY WILL YOU EVER!" I screamed with all the rage, all the emotion I could muster. I hung up after that because I couldn't talk anymore. I buried my face in my hands and sobbed. I sobbed until I couldn't breathe anymore. I sobbed until I felt like I had cried more tears than I thought I could in my entire lifetime.

**Kendall's POV**

I couldn't believe that James had told me he hated me. It couldn't be true.

But I knew it was.

He had every right to hate me.

I abandoned him and my four children. I chose hockey over them. I had yelled at him while he was pregnant. I had laid my hands on him while he was pregnant. Those weren't things that earned me any love from him. He was right. I was an ass, a deadbeat, and I didn't deserve to see my kids. I would just hurt them again. I would just hurt James again.

What have I done?

I sat down on my leather couch and cried. Why had I done this? What did money mean? Money could be here today and gone tomorrow! But you'll always have family. When you have nothing left, you'll always have family. Too bad I didn't realize that sooner.

I had to make this right. I couldn't let another birthday pass, another Christmas pass, another Father's Day pass! Daddy shouldn't be out playing hockey, far away from his kids! Daddy should be home. Where he belongs!

I had to fix this. I had to make it right. I can't do this any longer.

I just can't.

**Yay, I updated! Sorry for taking so long! I hope you liked that chapter, and please review. It lets me know that people are actually reading the story and I'm not just wasting my time. They're love! :)**

**If you guys have any suggestions, ideas, or things that you would like to see happen, shoot me a PM, or leave it in a review! I love hearing what you guys think, and what you want to see happen in the story! So just let me know, okay?**

**Thanks for reading, bye! **


	3. Slight Confessions

Here We Go Again

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or anything you recognize. All credit goes to their rightful owners. **

_**James' POV**_

After my phone conversation with Kendall, I had to find a way to cool down before I had a heart attack or something. I took a couple deep breathes, but nothing seemed to work. It was times like this that I wished I still had contact with Carlos, Logan, or even Mama Knight, Gustavo, Kelly, Katie, _anyone._ Suddenly I heard my phone ring again. _Not again._ I grabbed my phone and looked at the caller ID and nearly jumped with joy. _Logan. _ I quickly answered my phone.

"Hello," I said in a quiet voice.

"James?" I heard Logan's voice ring from the other line. "Oh my god, I haven't heard your voice in so long! How long's it been? Like six years? Since Kaiden was born?"

"Yeah, I've missed you Logie," I said quietly.

"Awww, I've missed you too Jamie," Logan cried.

"How are you and Carlos?" I asked.

"We're doing great! We got married about two years ago and had two kids. Two girls named Autumn and Stormy," Logan said, pride apparent in his voice.

"Aww, the names sound adorable!" I said. "I'd love to see them!"

"Thanks, and I would love to come and see you, Kelsey, Kaiden, and Kendall," Logan said. I had forgotten that he didn't know that I had two more kids and that Kendall had left. My eyes filled with tears and I tried to blink them back.

"You know, we'll get our wishes soon," Logan said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Carlos and I are coming to visit!" Logan yelled.

"WHAT?!" I screamed into my phone. "WHEN?!"

"We're on our way now! We'll be there in about six hours!" My jaw dropped at that.

"But it gets better! Mama Knight and Katie are going to be there in about six hours too! And I told Gustavo and Kelly to leave in about three hours so they can get to your house at about the same time!" Logan yelled excitedly. I almost dropped the phone at that point. "Oh, and your mom is coming too!"

"Oh, well, uh, thanks Logan, see you in six hours!" I said and hung up.

Oh my god, _everyone was coming!_ How was I going to tell them everything that had happened in the past six years? How was I going to tell them that Kendall had left me and the kids? They were going to be here in six hours!

I flopped down on the bed and took deep breathes. I climbed into my bed and pulled huge covers over myself. Within a couple minutes, I was fast asleep.

_**Logan's POV**_

"What did James say?" Carlos asked while holding Autumn in his arms.

"He just sounded kinda panicked. Maybe something's going on with him," I said back to my husband.

"Did he sound like heart attack panicked, or like stressy kind of panicked?" Carlos asked while playing with our three year old daughter's fingers.

"I don't know," I said. "Heart attack panic, I guess."

"Did he say anything about Kendall?" Carlos asked.

"No, but I didn't ask about it," I said. Suddenly, Autumn bursted out crying. I felt a bit embarrassed but I took her from Carlos and went to the bathroom in the plane to change her diaper. As I wiped my daughter, I thought about James. I could tell that something was up with him, but I really couldn't think of anything that could be wrong with him. He had gorgeous kids, a wonderful husband and marriage. What could go wrong for him?

_Six hours later_

We drove in our rental car to James' house. I was trying to feed Autumn and entertain Stormy at the same time.

"Ugh, how much longer until we get there? I can't do this much longer," I groaned.

"About ten minutes Logie, calm down," Carlos said back to me.

Ten minutes later, we were parked in front of James' house. We left our luggage in the car for now and walked up to the door. I was about to ring the doorbell, but hesitated a little bit.

"What's wrong, Logie?" Carlos asked me.

"It's just that it's been so long since we've seen each other, so I'm afraid that things won't be the same," I confessed to Carlos.

"Oh, Logan. We've known James forever. He's not that kind of person. He doesn't push away his friends," Carlos said while gripping my shoulders.

"I guess you're right Carlitos. I shouldn't be so worried," I said.

"Of course I am. Now, ring the doorbell."

I pressed my finger into the button and stood and waited. I heard a loud crash come from inside the house. I raised my eyebrows at Carlos. He just shrugged back at me.

"Coming!" we heard James' voice ring out. He flung open the door a couple seconds later.

"Hey guys," James said in a quiet voice. He hadn't changed much from the last time we saw him, except for his hair was longer and his bangs now covered him eyes.

"Hey buddy! How have you been?" Carlos yelled and threw his arms around James. James awkwardly hugged him back.

"I've been fine," James said back. I saw James' mom come up behind him.

"Hello Mrs. Diamond," I said to her politely.

"Oh, Logan, you know you don't have to be so formal with me! Come here honey," she said and extended her arms. I walked into her embrace. After a couple seconds, we switched and I went to hug James. Before I did, I whispered something to him.

"James, I know there's something up with you, so later I think we should sit down and talk." He only nodded hesitantly in response.

I wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug.

"I've really missed you buddy," I whispered to him while stroking his long hair.

"I've missed you too," he said back. He sounded on the verge of tears for some reason.

After the hugs and kisses were exchanged, we walked into the house and sat down on the couch. We began talking about what had happened to us in the past couple of years. I noticed that James had been extremely quiet throughout the whole conversation. Then I noticed that someone was missing.

"Hey James," I said, interrupting my husband's rant. "Where's Kendall?"

"Yeah, I was wondering that too," Carlos said. I saw James flinch slightly when I asked the question.

"He's uh, at work," James said quietly. I didn't really believe him, but I just pretended that I did.

"Oh, so when does he get home?" Carlos asked.

"He, uh, said that he was, uh, going to work the extra late shift so, uh, he won't get off till like three in the morning," James said. I looked at Brooke and saw that she really didn't believe her son either. But like me, she didn't say anything.

We heard the doorbell ring again, and James practically jumped up to answer it. He flung open the door and there stood Gustavo, Kelly, Mama Knight and Katie. We all got up to exchange hugs again. Obviously Mama Knight asked where her son was, and James gave them the same lie he told us. We all sat down on the couch again and talked. Suddenly, two little girls ran into the living room from down the hallway. One of them I, and everyone else, recognized as Kelsey. But I had never seen the other one before. She looked about four or five years old and she looked exactly like Kelsey at that age.

"Mommy, mommy!" the four year old exclaimed. "Why isn't Dora listening to me? I tried to tell her that the banana tree was right behind her, but she kept asking where it was!"

James laughed (first time I had seen him do so since we got here) and lifted the little girl into his lap.

"Mama, I tried to tell her that Dora wouldn't listen to her. When I used to watch Dora, she never listened to me either!" Kelsey exclaimed. Everyone was laughing at how adorable these kids were.

"Maybe you should just watch something else Allison," James suggested.

"Like what?" The little girl, who now we knew name was Allison, asked.

"Try Bubble Guppies sweetie. You might like it better," James said and kissed her on the cheek.

"Okay, mommy. But first, who are these people?" she asked.

"Oh yeah! Let me introduce you," James said. He took Allison off of his lap and stood up.

"Guys, this is my daughter Allison. Allison, can you say hi?" James said. Allison hid behind James' legs.

"Hi," she said in a quiet voice.

"Awwwwww, hi sweetie," Carlos said. "I'm your uncle Carlos."

Allison looked past James' legs at Carlos.

"I have an uncle?" She asked.

"Yes sweetie. You do," James said. "You two more. This one," he said pointing to Logan, "is Uncle Logan. And this one," pointing to Gustavo, "is Uncle Gustavo. And this one is Auntie Kelly. And that one is Auntie Katie. And that one is your other grandma," James explained to her.

"Oh, okay," she said. "Well, I'm going to go watch Bubble Guppies now. Come on Kelsey," she said.

Kelsey and Allison waved to all of us and ran back down the hall.

"Wow James," Mama Knight said. "Those kids are gorgeous."

"Yeah, they really are adorable," Carlos added.

"Thank you," James said.

"Do you have any more kids?" Katie asked.

"Actually, I have two more. Kaiden and Adrian. But they're asleep right now so you guys can meet them later," James said.

"Yeah, it's pretty late," Mama Knight said. "We should get going."

"You guys can stay here tonight instead of trying to find a hotel at this time," James offered.

"Thanks buddy," Carlos said.

We then proceeded to get out air mattresses, blankets, and pillows. After everyone was settled, we climbed into our beds. My air mattress was right next to James' bed and the only one in his room.

"So remember what I said earlier?" I said. James raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow at me.

"I said that we would talk later," I said. "Well, it's later. So talk."

"Well, what do you want to know?" James asked.

"Lots of things, but first, I want to know, where's Kendall?"

_**James' POV**_

That question really struck some nerves in me. I felt my eyes fill with tears again.

"I already told you where he was," I said back to Logan.

"Don't think that I actually believe that bullshit. That's a lie and you know it," Logan said. I could tell he felt bad for interrogating me like this.

"Okay, fine, I'll tell you where he really is and what's been happening, but you have to promise you wont tell _anyone_," I said in a dangerous tone.

"I promise," Logan said.

I started from when I found out I was pregnant with Kaiden. I told him about our fights and everything. Then, I moved on to where things really started getting bad. When I found out I was pregnant with Allison. I told him about our huge fight, but I left out a couple of details of things here and there. I made sure I left out the part about Kendall slapping me, punching me, and choking till I blacked out. Finally, I told him about the divorce papers Kendall sent me that I signed. There, now things were out I the open. Well, not everything, but most things.

"Wow," Logan said, seeming genuinely shocked. "I can't believe you guys got a divorce. You always seemed so happy."

"Yeah, well, we were having so many problems," I said. I felt bad that I was still hiding the extent of how bad it had actually gotten.

"Still, I'm really shocked. I never would have thought that it could happen to you guys. How long has it been since Kendall last saw his kids?" Logan asked.

"Two years," I said. I then realized I had left out a part. I told Logan about how when Allison was about one and a half, he came back. I told him that I forgave him and he had sex that night and that's how Adrian was conceived. I told him that when I was five months pregnant, that Kendall left again.

"Wow," Logan repeated. "I really just want to run over to wherever Kendall is and kill him for what he's done to you James. It's incredible that you can still take care of your kids. I don't think I could take care of two kids on my own. You're really strong James," he said. I didn't feel strong. I felt the tears burn in my eyes and Logan saw them too.

"Come here," Logan said while holding his arms out for a hug. I let him wrap his arms around me as I began to sob.

"How could he do that to me?" I sobbed. "I loved him, I still love him, and he did this to me!"

"Shhh, calm down Jamie," Logan whispered while stroking me hair. "I'm so sorry that this happened to you, but know that in the end things will work out."

But for some reason, I felt like they wouldn't work out in the end. Things would never work out for me. I knew that the world hated me, but I didn't know that it could be this cruel.

**Whew! That took me like two hours. I know that this was probably a really boring chapter, but things will get better. People are starting to find out about James' secrets. I promise that Kendall's going to come into the story eventually! Please review, it motivates me to update faster! Reviews are love! **

**Also, let me know what you want to happen in the story. If you have any ideas, thoughts, suggestion, or anything you want to see happen in the story, shoot me a PM, or leave it in a review. I want to know what you guys want to see happen, and I'm open to any ideas! **

**Also, I want to apologize for my bad updating habits. I'll try my best to get more updates in for this story and I'll Catch You When You Fall. Just know that I'm doing my best and that I haven't forgotten about these stories! **

**Thanks for reading, bye! :)**


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